Five Signs You Have an Anxious Attachment Style (and How to Start Healing)

Relationships can feel tricky, especially when you’re constantly worried about how others see you or whether they’ll stick around. If you’ve ever found yourself overthinking a text, feeling overwhelmed by a small argument, or fearing your partner’s love isn’t as strong as yours, you might have what’s known as an anxious attachment style.

As a therapist who specialises in attachment, anxiety, and trauma, I’ve seen how anxious attachment can impact people’s emotional well-being and relationships. The good news is, understanding your attachment style is the first step towards healing. In this post, I’ll walk you through five common signs of anxious attachment and share practical tips to help you break the cycle.

So, What Is Anxious Attachment?

Anxious attachment is one of the four main attachment styles, which are essentially the ways we connect to others based on our early relationships, especially with our caregivers. People with an anxious attachment style often feel insecure in relationships, fearing rejection or abandonment even when there’s no clear reason to. It’s like feeling emotionally “on edge” a lot of the time—like you’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

1. You’re Constantly Worried About Your Relationships

If you have an anxious attachment style, you probably find yourself constantly thinking about your relationships—whether it’s a romantic partner, friend, or family member. You might obsess over small things, like whether they’re upset with you or whether they’ll still be around tomorrow. It’s like you’re always waiting for something bad to happen, even if everything seems fine on the surface.

What You Can Do: This kind of worry often comes from a place of fear, especially if you’ve experienced inconsistent emotional support in the past. One way to start healing is by practising mindfulness—bringing your attention to the present moment, instead of getting stuck in your head. Learning to challenge your negative thoughts with more balanced, realistic ones can also help you calm the anxiety.

2. You’re Afraid of Abandonment

A major trait of anxious attachment is the fear of being abandoned or left behind. You might feel like you’re always on edge, wondering when your partner (or anyone important to you) will pull away. Even minor signs of distance or changes in their behaviour can trigger a deep sense of insecurity.

What You Can Do: First, it’s important to recognise that these fears might be rooted in past experiences where emotional support was inconsistent or unreliable. Therapy can be incredibly helpful here, especially if you’ve had past trauma or experiences that have made you doubt your own worth. Learning to trust yourself, set boundaries, and ask for what you need in relationships can help reduce those feelings of abandonment.

3. You Struggle to Regulate Your Emotions

If you’ve got an anxious attachment style, emotional regulation can be really tough. When things get heated in a relationship or you feel hurt or rejected, it might feel like your emotions are completely overwhelming. You may find yourself getting upset very easily, feeling like everything is “too much,” or even becoming reactive in ways you later regret.

What You Can Do: Building emotional resilience starts with learning how to self-soothe in those tough moments. Simple tools like deep breathing, grounding exercises, or even taking a break can help you feel more in control. A therapist can also guide you through learning healthy ways to manage your emotions, so you’re not stuck in that rollercoaster ride all the time.

4. You Feel Jealous or Protective Over Your Relationships

Feelings of jealousy or possessiveness often crop up with anxious attachment. You might feel threatened by others who get close to your partner, or even friends who spend time with people you feel insecure about. It’s like you’re afraid your relationships could slip away at any moment, so you try to cling to them harder.

What You Can Do: The first step is realising that these feelings come from insecurity within yourself, rather than from anything your partner is doing. Building your own sense of self-worth and self-compassion is key. If you find yourself feeling jealous, pause and check in with yourself: What are you really afraid of? Getting to the root of these feelings can help you shift from reacting out of fear to responding from a place of security.

5. You Find It Hard to Trust (Others and Yourself)

Anxious attachment often goes hand-in-hand with trust issues—not just trusting others, but also trusting yourself. You might doubt your own judgement, feel like you’re not good enough, or question whether you deserve love and respect. This lack of trust can make relationships feel even more uncertain and difficult to navigate.

What You Can Do: Building trust starts with learning to trust yourself. This means listening to your needs, setting clear boundaries, and learning to recognise your own worth. Therapy is a safe space to unpack these trust issues and help you learn to trust your instincts. It’s also about knowing that relationships can be healthy and safe, even if there’s a bit of vulnerability involved.

How Therapy Can Help You Heal

If you’re reading this and recognising yourself in the signs of anxious attachment, know that healing is not only possible—it’s totally achievable. Therapy can help you unpack the root causes of your attachment style, especially if past trauma or unresolved emotional wounds are contributing to your anxiety. Through trauma-informed care, attachment-based therapy, and mindfulness techniques, we can work together to help you feel more secure in yourself and in your relationships.

Healing from anxious attachment takes time, but with the right support, you can build healthier, more fulfilling connections. You’ll learn how to regulate your emotions, reduce your anxiety, and, most importantly, begin to trust yourself and others in a way that feels empowering.

If you’ve noticed any of these signs of anxious attachment in your own life, it might be time to seek support. Understanding your attachment style is the first step in breaking free from the anxiety, fear, and insecurity that come with it. You don’t have to navigate this journey alone. As a therapist with expertise in attachment, anxiety, and trauma, I’m here to help you explore your attachment style, heal past wounds, and create secure, supportive relationships.

Reach out if you’d like to start your journey towards emotional well-being and stronger, healthier relationships. It’s never too late to begin the healing process.